Psalm 4- A Song of [what is called] "Mercy"
I think of mercy
and find myself at a bit
of a loss.
"Mercy" has a cognitive resonance
as Concept and Denotation but
a crucial experiential
disconnect arises.
Now.
While I am certain I
have experienced Mercy
(for example, I have
awakened outside
after a bad drunk
unhurt and unrobbed)
and I hope I have
Shown Mercy
by taking blame
(for bad relationships, perhaps,
with friends and family and lovers;
always I am at fault).
I presume-
and essentially believe-
that God has shown
me Mercy.
I must ask God to do it
again.
I've been wasting
chances to see better
and to live a life I could
countenance in daylight.
I live filthy.
(God has seen it.)
And it must be a
shame to God
to see me fucking up
like this,
when I was given more than
enough tools
to cope with the
Grand Hassle
of living.
I understand that
God loves me,
as God loves all
small and backward
creatures.
But it seems to me
God loves me more
when I'm doing
Right
(which ain't that often).
Now. I'm not
Right, but I've
been Right-er
lately than I think
I've ever been.
So I think God's
going to help me
with this.
I'm being surprised
pretty constantly
these last couple
of years, as dark
as it's been.
Pretty amazed
that there is still
some goodness to be
found, even in a few
dark places.
I think about it
at home
by myself
trying not to die yet,
and I find my
waking hours,
at length,
devolving into sleep,
sometimes restful.
Selah
(man, mean it:
Selah!)
There are so many things
in every new day
that I know
I need to put away
for now and ever.
No smoking
No hard drinking
No more paralyzing rage.
The sacrifice that's
left for me
is Doing Things
That Are Good.
There isn't self-
denial enough
to merit all the
Grace and Good Favor.
Never enough that
I could do to
turn this ugly
stupid world around
but trust
as Dr. King
that the Universe
Bends toward Justice
(praise God)
Not only can this all
be better, but
it Must and
Will Be.
Now. I, as most,
demand to see this
arc toward justice
and I want to see
it now.
But as I wait
and try to work
(Remaining vigilant!
This must be key!)
to complete this
bend, I must ask
my God to give
me sight that
recognizes the justice
being met today,
to sustain me
(it is oh so dark
this week, GWB).
I see!
My practiced poverty
is practical in prelude
to the service
I must seek.
Trusting that I
can serve well,
this is the happiest
I've ever been.
Not only do I
swear to live
this Justice-
to do my
level best to
Live Out the
Peace I know
Will Be-
I swear that
my life will fit
me best on the
days that I
succeed.
And, yes!,
Sweet God, I
do know mercy,
and I know
my only source
for Mercy, God,
for Peace
is that which
I find in
Living
You.
10/29/04
11/5/04
so hard
to be so positive
posted by Tack City @ 10:00
9 Comments:
Seriously, man...your blog is always most excellent, but today, today, it absolutely gave me chills. Were that I but half the writer you are, my friend.
This project is so exciting.
I loved this particularly on first read:
Selah
(man, mean it:
Selah!)
Would you mind too terribly if I linked your site on my own blog page? Thought I would ask first.
Never!
Well, on second thought, I guess that'd be alright.
Thanks.
Cool. You're linked, my man.
Do you think it is harder to accept Grace or Mercy? I sometimes fear I do understand either one, and am incapable of really accepting them, either.
I don't think either one is totally easy to accept intellectually, but I also don't think it matters. We don't have to feel great about it, it's already there, right? The grace, that is, and the mercy.
I don't know. Grace is fun, but I feel like we've gotten maybe a little too focused on it. Cheapening it, as ol' Dietrich used to say.
We don't need to do anything to get grace. But we really ought to be doing something for it anyway. It ought to make us certain to try to practice in a certain way. We've been extended grace, so we need to behave in kind.
Ahem. Just sort of thiking about something else.
As you were.
Well. Ali, everybody, Psalm 5 is forthcoming. It's just really hard. Since I'm trying to make these semi-companionable with the actual Psalms, I'm having difficutly.
If you read the real 5th and 6th Psalms, read them one after the other. In rapid succession. Because taken together they're some pretty funny reading.
I've been debation entering one Psalm as 5 and 6, but have, I suppose, decided against it.
I've only just figured my angle on 5 last night while listening to the Awesome Sufjan Stevens at Schuba's. It's probably better than a funny psalm. It ought to be okay. I'll just have to get around to writing this weekend. I need to write, like, five over the next week in order to catch up.
Keep checking.
Sorry for the delay.
First time reading your Psalm's, it good to think someone is still thinking so deeply about God. Most Christians "Americans" seem to take all we have for granted and in doing so take God for granted.
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