3rd Psalm- A Cry For Help in the Dark Night
God,
I was considering
this morning on the train
several things that
gave me a fleeting
sense of happiness.
I thought I
appreciated them,
but I remembered, also,
how short they were.
And I remembered
that during a
commercial break
from ALCS game 6,
Fox News Chicago
outraged me
and tried to lure more
viewers for the late news
by showing some of the
security footage
from the train bombings
in Madrid
(that I’d forgotten).
They showed the
People Running
in the smoky station
and a bomb exploded.
God,
baseball seems
real small.
And that reminds
me,
Why is all the ugliness
so huge, and all the
things I’m told
to remind me of
your faithfulness
are really very
small?
Your faithfulness
is “Great”
isn’t it?
God,
What about this
darkness, this despair
and sadness and
howling rage?
What of this
exhaustion and
total disappointment
and Dread?
I believe that You
are big enough
and strong,
and are able
to blow this out
of me,
but I don’t know
how to ask.
Now. Is this the
Myth of Healing,
and how Lovely People
die?
Is prayer for healing
simply exercise?
Is it my faith in
you that makes the
difference, or my
faith in my faith?
And if it is the latter,
God,
then who am I
to worship?
God,
I’m waiting to die.
I’m rendered rather
ineffective
and am
Quietly Disappearing
this weekend.
10/21/04
Tired of Screaming
"Love Me"
posted by Tack City @ 21:06
14 Comments:
wow--love the elliot smith link, madrid reference, and the Andre link just makes me sad...it is so hard trying to find the balance in all this emptiness, and the small things seem so much bigger sometimes than the big things...the way you phrase the disparities makes it make sense in a way. maybe that's partly the answer?
--lindsay
If we can move mountians with faith the size of mustard seeds, then why does it not make sense that the good things that remind us of God's love and strength and magesty could be small things as well? It is the little things that, most often than not, seem to catch our attention, our whole attention. Things like the flecks of light in your loved ones eyes, that you catch in a glimpse from across the room. Or the way you find $10.00 in your purse before sunday morning, give it in offering, and receive $20.00 the next day, unexpectedtly. God's blessings, His wonders, His answers and His gifts don't always come in big packages with big bows. Some days He is huge, unable to get around, totally blocking our way, so He is easier to see, to hear, when we are experiencing a "blind" moment, "blind" day. But other times they are little, subtle...and I can't tell you why. Maybe to impact you harder. Maybe to make you fall to your knees in praise, that such a small thing, as a mustard seed, can accomplish great things, like moving mountians.
All in all love, you aren't alone, and you aren't expected to find the answers by yourself. God helps us see Him, see His way. God is always talking, we just don't always listen. And God isn't the only one that sees you, we all do and we are always amazed by you and the gifts that pour out of you daily.
I hope I wasn't out of place by saying all this, your Psalms don't need anything added by me, and I most certianly want to tell you whats what, but I felt compelled to share.
*you are always on my mind, you are always on my mind.
you're a talented, man, Marty. you make me think.
I enjoy your writing very much, Marty. I haven't read anything you've written for a few years now. I'm so pleased you are still creating, you have so much to say.
wow. i'm so excited to be reading your work and seeing a glimpse of how the king is becoming evident in you. it's absolutely inspiring to see faith and life co-exist in reality.
I will fight the urge to call you Nostradamus (since I can't spell it), but this rings truer today than the first time I read it.
Marty,
I miss talking to you, and am sorry that we lost touch again. I'm so happy that you are writing. We used to slong coffee together. Guess who?
I meant sling coffee together
Well, now that you change it to "sling" I know exactly who it is. I mean, I used to "slong" coffee with dozens of people at a time.
No really, I have no idea. Of the thirty + people with whom I've slonged/slinged/slung coffee, I hesitate to guess which of the beautiful wonderful lovable people posted that "guess who."
Reveal yourself.
(God, that's dramatic. Reveal yourself!)
I'll give you a hint, my name starts with Man.
Now I'm pretty sure you know who I am. I am enjoying your psalms. Keep writing them.
Hmm.
That's a big hint.
"Bigger" than most hints.
what do you mean by "bigger"? I am an old friend, at least I think you would consider me so. The last time we saw each other was under rather uncomfortable circumstances... and then we lost touch, until now.
I hope you still care Marty... What about the Smiths song How Soon is Now??? I want to talk to you again...
I'm sorry. I'm sure I still care. And How Soon is Now is still my favorite song.
It's just that guessing like this is intimidating and embarrassing for me.
mybritches2k@yahoo.com is my email. Please feel free to use that.
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